THE IMPORTANCE OF SETTING BOUNDARIES

Let’s talk about Kelly Rowland and The Today Show, and how it shows us the importance of setting boundaries.

By now, most of you already know about the ‘drama’: Kelly Rowland was on The Today Show to promote her new movie, Mea Culpa, and then co-host the final hour with Hoda Kotb. After the interview portion, Miss Rowland walked out; and the interwebs immediately lost its collective mind over the rumor that her departure was due to her displeasure with the quality of her dressing room, with many rushing to any comment section they could find to bash her for being ‘a diva’.

Now, I have loved Kelly Rowland since her DC days, and have always considered her the epitome of graciousness, so I had a hard time believing that foolishness about the dressing room. Kelly is no stranger to touring, and no stranger to performing quick changes beneath the stage floor in the dark, so I had some serious doubts that she would walk off a co-hosting gig – especially when she was there to promote a movie in which she had her first starring role – because of something as frivolous as a dressing room.

However, it’s also well established that, due to her cousin’s demand for privacy (and possibly to avoid a repeat of her own gaffe in accidentally spilling the tea on the sex of Beyoncé’s first child), Kelly doesn’t particularly like talking about Miss Carter in interviews. Yet she courteously answered Savannah’s questions about the queen’s new singles and mentioned how proud she is of her cousin.

And here I have to give Miss Guthrie her props for being a good interviewer because, upon attempting to prompt Kelly for a more in-depth response, she instantly recognized that Kelly’s repetition of her earlier response signalled an unwillingness to say anything further; and she did what a good interviewer who wants to make their guest feel comfortable is supposed to: she immediately switched the line of questioning.

It was only after the interview, when it was mentioned that Kelly would be back to co-host with Koda – at which time they would talk more about her movie, her singing career … And her thoughts on Beyonce releasing a country album – that we saw her expression change. She mouthed the word ‘No’, while still attempting to maintain a smile despite her obvious displeasure.

Whether this was in fact the reason she walked off the show, only Kelly and her team know at this point. We have no idea what happened between the time the camera stopped rolling and the instant in which she decided to leave. However, based on everything that I’ve seen of Miss Rowland in the past, I’m inclined to believe that had it been some sort of emergency, she would have issued a public apology for having to run out on them; thus, I’m left to surmise that her departure was not the result of jealousy over Queen Bey’s success as some petty people have insinuated, but rather the hosts’ insistence on bringing up Miss Carter after she had already made it clear that she was unwilling to offer any further comment.

And if that is in fact the case, then I 1000% agree with her!

My friend, on the other hand, thinks that walking out was rude, and that she should have stayed and simply refused to answer any further questions regarding her cousin.

To which my question is this >>> Why should she stay after they made it quite clear that they did not respect her boundaries?

Even if Miss Rowland had failed to expressly state beforehand that she would not be fielding questions regarding her cousin’s new project, it was obvious from her responses to Savannah’s questions that she was unwilling to follow that train any further down the track. So, why push? Yes, I too love any tidbit of info we can get about our queen, but put yourselves in Kelly’s shoes for a second and imagine how she must feel.

If you already made it clear to someone that you had no desire to talk about a certain subject yet they kept bringing it up, would you stay and continue that conversation? Odds are you’d tell them to mind their bleeping business, or you’d simply walk away from that person, because that’s the natural human reaction to having our boundaries pushed.

Think of it as an evolution of the fight or flight response – although we may not be in physical danger, our bodies react in basically the same way to a social situation that creates extreme stress.

This is why it’s so imperative that we practice not only setting boundaries but also reinforcing them.

Picture this:
Your neighbor asks if you could give them two cups of sugar.
No problem!
But then they want a stick of butter.
Oh…kay.
And four eggs and three cups of flour.
Huh?
And a cup of milk.
What the …???
And just a splash of vanilla essence ,,, if you have any.
B!tch, is which one of us making this fkn cake??!!? 👀🧐

Setting boundaries isn’t something we choose to do in order to keep others out. It’s something we need to do in order to keep ourselves in — In a healthy relationship with others; In a state of inner peace; In a sound mental and emotional space.

It’s a form of self-love, and even self-preservation. It prioritizes your mental and emotional wellbeing above the wants and needs of others, and it tells them that you are not a tool to be used and you will not bend over backwards to please them at the expense of your own health and welfare.

So, on that note, I’d like to share a few quotes on The Importance of Setting Boundaries:

Now, before we go any further, I want you to read that last one again. Carefully.

Take your time. I’ll wait …

{Y’all know we like to play! 🤡🤣}

But seriously …

The trick to setting maintainable boundaries is being able to discern both the necessity and validity of the boundary based on the level of the limits that are needed.

For example: Your mother may have a spare key to your house, and you have no problem with her dropping by even while you’re out, but you certainly wouldn’t expect to come home and find your neighbor sipping a mimosa and watching a movie in your living room, because the spare key you gave them was Only to be used in case of an emergency.

Without even realizing that we’re doing just that, we already set boundaries for ourselves in our day to day lives – we feel comfortable discussing our relationship issues with our besties, but we wouldn’t go talking our supervisor’s ear off about our dwindling boudoir time, and we’d feel more than a little awkward about it if they did that to us.

So, setting up a boundary doesn’t always require a formal conference complete with pie charts and venn diagrams. We can show people where our boundaries lie simply by the way we chose to interact with them.

But it’s equally important to remember that setting a boundary does not always require building an impenetrable fort.

You don’t need to cut your co-worker off completely because they invite themself to the birthday party which you mentioned in passing that you would be hosting for your partner next Saturday. Instead of turning the other way when you see them and relegating all future communications to scribbles on post-it notes, you can simply tell them that it’s going to be a private affair with only family and close personal friends. Set up a boundary. [And maybe bring them a slice of cake on Monday if you have extra. 😉😂]

{And before y’all start thinking the worst of me, no, I’m not asking for cake in a roundabout way. 😜 I’ll tell folks outright to save me a corner piece because I’m pushy like that! 😎🤣}

Anywayssss …

I want you to remember that YOU are the only person with a responsibility to take care of you (especially when you’re over 18 and mommy ‘n’ daddy are no longer under any legal obligation to mind you). And YOU are the only person who can know how certain things make you feel, and where you want your boundaries to be. But you can’t expect people to know where those boundaries lie and observe them unless you’re willing to draw that line in the sand.

So, remember to choose you first because you are just as worthy of your time and love as everyone else out there. 💞💖

Until next time …

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