JUST DON’T

Gymnastics phenom Simone Biles recently took to Instagram to defend her hair, of all things. Yes, that’s right. HER HAIR.

Apparently certain folks were less interested in this Olympian’s extensive talent and more concerned with the fact that a few spirited strands of her hair were not sitting quietly in their appointed place.

In response, Miss Biles offered this simple piece of advice: “Next time you wanna comment on a black girl’s hair, JUST DON’T.”

And sadly, Simone isn’t the only female athlete who has had to deal with negative comments about their appearance. American rugby powerhouse Ilona Maher also felt the need to defend her body type against the people who called her ‘overweight’ by explaining that a person’s BMI is not an indicator of their fitness level, while Algerian Boxing champ Imane Khelif has been called male / trans, the irony of this being that she is from a country where people are not allowed to legally change their gender.

So, today I’d like to take a moment to expand on Ms. Biles’ advice: JUST DON’T!

You see, it’s fine to notice that Simone’s hair might not have been perfectly coiffed, but was it necessary to say that ‘her messy hair has to be a choice’? Was the intent of this comment to be witty, insightful, or just plain ol’ mean? And do we honestly expect this woman’s hair to look like she just stepped out of a salon after she was just flipping around like a dandelion in the breeze?

And how exactly would you have our female rugby players built? The male athletes don’t have lean body types comparable to Jared Leto’s, yet some folks seem to think the women should have slender physiques similar to Kendall Jenner’s?

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!

We tend to make these insensitive and occasionally downright foolish comments on social media simply because we can, knowing full well that we would never say these things to that person’s face. So, why do we turn into keyboard gangsters when we’re on social media? Is it simply because we know we won’t get punched in the face for the offensive things we’re saying?

In part, yes.

But I believe it’s also because social media has exposed us to so much negativity that the line between speaking your mind and common decency has begun to blur in our minds, as well as the line between social media and reality.

Before My Space and Facebook changed the way we interacted with others, saying mean things was limited to our little friend group, and we would often shush the offender even as we laughed at their maliciousness because we knew that what they were saying was wrong. Jump forward a decade and those people saying the mean things now have these global platforms on which to express their views, meaning the nasty comments which would previously only have been heard by their handful of friends can now be read by thousands of people from all across the planet. And, in the same way that overexposure to edited photos and videos has gradually skewed our perception of beauty and body image, reading that endless barrage of hateful comments has now begun to alter our perception of what is socially acceptable.

Ever notice all the folks who say they ‘ran to the comment section’ of a post? It’s almost always a post in which the creator has either said or done something that falls outside the parameters of what society considers ‘normal’, and the only reason these people are ‘running’ to the comment section is to read the mean things others said. But it doesn’t make them any better than the ones leaving those venomous comments, because even though they didn’t actively contribute to the negativity, they are quietly reveling in it.

I’m sure they wouldn’t feel the same if those comments were directed at them, though.

And while a lot of social media is indeed content manufactured with the specific aim of obtaining views and likes, we’re consciously choosing to ignore the fact that those are real people with real feelings behind those posts, and that the spiteful things we say will have a negative impact on that person’s self-esteem and ultimately on their mental and emotional health; and in order to justify our bad behavior, we’ve begun victim blaming by telling ourselves that they should know what to expect when they post something on social media. But that doesn’t excuse us for saying nasty things to others that we wouldn’t want said to us. A content creator isn’t asking to be belittled and humiliated for posting a video any more than a woman is asking to be r@ped by wearing a short skirt.

So, the next time you get the urge to leave a pernicious comment on someone’s post, please remember Ms. Biles’ advice: JUST DON’T!

And as we continue our year of self-improvement, I’d like to share a few quotes on the importance of thinking before we speak:

“Think before you act;
think twice before you speak.”
~ Thomas Browne

“Speak only if it improves upon the silence.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

“Everything you say should be true,
but not everything true should be said.”
~ Voltaire

“Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.”
~ Oscar Auliq-Ice

“Words spoken can not be recalled,
so think twice before you speak”
~ William Shakespeare

“You are master of what you say until you utter it.
Once you deliver it, you are its captive.”
~ Ali ibn Abi Talib

“We choose to say the wrong words
because we fail to think about the right words.”
~ Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

“Be careful with your words.
once they are said,
they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.”
~ Carl Sandburg

“Before you speak, ask yourself if what you are
going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful.
If the answer is no, maybe what you
are about to say should be left unsaid.”
~ Bernard Meltzer

“By swallowing evil words unsaid,
No one has ever harmed his stomach.”
~ Winston Churchill

And because it just wouldn’t feel right to leave you without a wonderfully facetious quote, I give you this gem [which unfortunately has erroneously been attributed to Abraham Lincoln countless times thanks to the power of the interwebs]:

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool
than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
~ Maurice Switzer

{P.S. Before you try to come for me, let me say this upfront – No, a snarky quote is not the same as calling someone ‘ugly’ or ‘stupid’. A quote is a generalization, and speaks in hypothetical terms. It isn’t directed at any one person with the intent of belittling or shaming.}

Until next time …

RETURN TO POST LISTING

VIEW ON AMAZON