EXERCISING SELF-COMPASSION

“Be nice to yourself…
It’s hard to be happy
when someone is mean to you all the time.”
~ Christine Arylo

I stumbled across this quote a few days ago, and not gonna lie – it spoke to me !!!

99.999% of the time, we are our own worst critic.

Oftentimes, we hold ourselves to unattainable standards, and we harshly and unfairly condemn ourselves for not being ‘good enough’ when we inevitably fall short of that impossible ideal.

A prime example of this: Comparing the body you see in your bathroom mirror to the posed images on your Instagram feed – you know, the ones with the perfect angle, the perfect lighting, and the occasional tweak and enhancement here and there.

😏🙃😎

Let’s keep it 💯 – even our favorite IG fitness influencers don’t walk around sucked in and flexed 24/7. But because we don’t see the other side of the coin, we often find ourselves comparing the physique in our mirror to the one on our phone, causing us to build up this unrealistic expectation of what we think we ought to look like. And of course we’re ultimately disappointed when we fail to meet that expectation, which in turn leads us to critique ourselves much more harshly than anyone else would.

And I was reminded of this fact quite recently when my darling Marc shushed me in the most potty-mouthed way possible. 😁🤣💞

See, what had happened was:

After suddenly becoming aware of my lack of facial symmetry one day, it became the only thing my brain was capable of focusing on whenever I looked in the mirror; and of course me being me, I found it completely necessary to obsess and harp about it to no end. And that’s when my beloved rolled his eyes and told me to STFU because I was driving myself crazy over something that only I could see. {And he followed that up by informing me that I was and will always be beautiful in his eyes. 🥹🥰💝}

And, as per usual, he was right!!! 🤷‍♀️😅

I had allowed myself to become fixated on a ‘flaw’ which no one else even noticed until I pointed it out to them – one which no one besides myself even considered a ‘flaw’.

Internet trolls and social media hobgoblins aside, the rest of the world is generally more compassionate towards us than we are to ourselves.

If our friend slips up, we’re always quick to point out that they’re only human and remind them that we all make mistakes. We advise them to try to move past it and to not dwell on the mistake but rather focus on how to rectify the problem. Yet, we berate ourselves indefinitely over our own errors in judgment because we believe that they make us somehow ‘less than’ – less than intelligent, less than shrewd, less than competent.

However, by being this harsh on ourselves, we’re creating our own negativity, and inviting anxiety and depression into our lives.

But by exercising a little self-compassion – by accepting that we are only human, and that a mistake / failure doesn’t signal impending doom but is instead merely a setback to be overcome; by giving ourselves the same grace we show to others, the same latitude to fall and the time to pull ourselves back up – we become more self-aware, thereby leading to increased mindfulness and more astute decision-making in the future.

Add to that, treating ourselves with compassion opens the door for us to treat others the same way. It helps to nurture our sense of empathy, thereby giving us the ability to connect more fully and deeply with others in similar situations.

Think of the friendships you’ve formed over the years. Most friendships are based on shared similarities – whether it be a mutual love of red wine or a mutual dislike of your boss – and being able to identify with someone based on our own emotions and experiences is always the impetus that engenders as well as the fuel that sustains a relationship.

So, today I’d like to share a few quotes on the necessity for and the importance of exercising self-compassion:

“Self-compassion is simply giving
the same kindness to ourselves
that we would give to others.”

~ Christopher Germer

“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself
for years and it hasn’t worked.
Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

~ Louise L. Hay, You Can Heal Your Life

“Be patient with yourself.
Self-growth is tender; it’s holy ground.
There’s no greater investment.”

~ Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

“The greatest glory in living
lies not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.”

~ Nelson Mandela

“You are allowed to be both a masterpiece
and a work in progress simultaneously.”

~ Sophia Bush

“To accept ourselves as we are
means to value our imperfections
as much as our perfections.”

~ Sandra Bierig

“The only person who can pull me down is myself,
and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.”

~ C. JoyBell C.

“Of all the journeys to undertake, the one of self-compassion
is one of utmost importance for long-term well-being.”

~ Anne Foy

“Self-compassion is an inoculate for the mind,
protecting it from potential harm.
Emotional disease cannot contaminate the minds
of those who are wise enough to love and accept themselves.”

~ Miya Yamanouchi

“Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you’re good enough,
self-compassion asks ‘what’s good for you?’.
Self-compassion taps into your inner desire
to be healthy and happy.”

~ Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion:
The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Feeling compassion for ourselves in no way releases us
from responsibility for our actions.
Rather, it releases us from the self-hatred
that prevents us from responding to our life
with clarity and balance.”

~ Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance:
Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha

“A major component of self-compassion
is to be kind to yourself.
Treat yourself with love, care, dignity,
and make your wellbeing a priority.”

~ Christopher Dines, Mindfulness Burnout Prevention:
An 8-Week Course for Professionals

“Talk to yourself like a cherished friend.
Treat yourself with love and care.”

~ Amy Leigh Mercree, The Compassion Revolution:
30 Days of Living from the Heart

“The worst loneliness is
to not be comfortable with yourself.”

~ Mark Twain

“Be kind to yourself.
Remember that when you abuse yourself,
you will experience the anger, regret,
and apathy of the bully
as well as the depression, anxiety,
and insecurity of the victim.”

~ Vironika Tugaleva

“Having compassion starts and ends with
having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves,
all those imperfections that we don’t even want to look at.”

~ Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart:
Heart Advice for Difficult Times

“Did your mom ever tell you,
‘If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything’?
She was right–and talking nicely also applies
when you’re talking to yourself, even inside your head.”

~ Victoria Moran, Younger by the Day:
365 Ways to Rejuvenate Your Body and Revitalize Your Spirit